Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Monty Ashley Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
1:01 pm	Lurching Back to Life Hello, people who mysteriously still have MontySeesBuffy on your Friends lists! I'm thinking of doing this gimmick again. I mean, not with Buffy the Vampire Slayer; that would be kind of redundant. But I've got Season One of Veronica Mars sitting right here. So . . . montyseesvmars Just so you know. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 26th, 2003
7:52 pm	Plans Here are my (vague) plans for this journal. First, I kind of want to put up an index to the Buffy pages, so people can look at the episode names and summaries, then go directly to my comments. Second, I might repurpose the whole thing to some other purpose. There's no more Buffy-watching, you know. I might rename it to "montyseestv" or something, pending a decision on what I watch next. There's a chance that it'll be Farscape, or maybe something else. Or I might just let this journal sit here un-updated. That's always a possibility. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 20th, 2003
10:31 pm	Chosen Well, this is it. Say goodnight, Buffy. Synopsis: Buffy invades the Hellmouth and spreads the Slayer-power to a million little girls. Because it's made her so happy, why not share it? Comments: I was hoping the Previouslies would be more exciting and somehow be like the end of the series. Specifically, I was hoping they'd be the Previouslies from The Gift. How does Angel know what's going on? Did they just want to skip another round of exposition? Because I'm not saying I don't agree with that plan; I just don't really get "I got coverage" as an explanation for why Angel hit the ground running like that. Hey, Caleb's still alive. Because he was only killed once. You'd think Buffy would have learned by now that when a big monster looks dead, she should decapitate it and maybe set it on fire. Buffy: "Okay, how many times do I have to kill you? Ballpark figure?" Heh. Because if it's in the hundreds, she going to have to pace herself. Buffy: "He had to split." That's terrible! But I enjoy her laughing at her own joke. I disapprove of the dead-obvious symbolism of her killing the Evil Misogynist with an axe to the groin. Buffy: "You're not gonna be in this fight." First Xander and Dawn, then Angel. She's really into telling people they can't come to the big party. Angel: "I started it. The whole having-a-soul. Before it was all the cool new thing." Heh. Spike's stealing Angel's bit! So Buffy's cookie-dough argument is basically saying that she's not been mature enough for a proper relationship? I buy it, personally. Dawn: Kick. Buffy: "Ow." Dawn: "Dumbass." And that pretty much settles it. Xander: "Hey, party in my eyesocket and everyone's invited!" Hm. No thank you. I like that after the line stiffed, Anya was soothing him by stroking his hair. I also like that the only people in the kitchen were Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles, Dawn, and Anya. And then we cut to Spike. It's like we're almost down to the central cast. Spike: "Yeah, and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him." I like the "enhanced vampire eyeballs" part, especially with the waving fingers, which demonstrate sarcasm. But I especially like that Spike brings it up right away. Less of the grudge-holding and tiptoeing around. I love Spike's drawing of Angel on the punching bag. It's got high hair! Spike's not a champion? Or he is? I don't know. I guess Buffy's showing Spike that she trusts him. Me, I'd give the amulet to Anya. She has a soul, right? Ah. First Caleb. It's about time Buffy starting getting sassy at it. That's how she beat it last time. Buffy: "You don't think it's a good idea?" I hate when they don't tell the audience the plan. C'mon, share! Giles: "It flies in the face of everything we've ever -- every generation has ever done." Yeah, well, all those previous generations are dead. So that shows you how smart they were. Willow: "It's a total loss of control. And not in a nice, wholesome my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kinda way." That seems to have gotten Dawn's attention. Heh. Anya: "Let's go assemble the cannon fodder." Xander: "That's not what we're callin' 'em, sweetie." Anya: "Not to their faces. What am I, insensitive?" Anya's great. Interesting. On "I hate that there's evil" the shot was on Spike. Then, on "That I was chosen to fight it" it's on Giles. Damn, there are a lot of Potentials in there. Buffy's plan is to take the fight directly into the Hellmouth? That seems like it might work. It beats standing around waiting for monsters to attack you. Wood: "Faith, there's a whole world out there that you don't even know about. And a lot of the men in it are pretty decent guys." Not on this show, buddy. Plus, give her a break; she just busted out of prison. She's probably got some trust issues to work through. Faith's ready to have some Angry Sex with Wood! Andrew: "You through the door and are confronted by Trogdor the Burninator." Ha! First of all, check out the D&D! And second, I find it completely believable that Andrew's D&D world would have Homestar Runner references in it. Wood: "Welcome to Sunnydale High. There's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gumchewing. Apart from that, there's only one rule. If they move, kill them." I bet he's been practicing that in his head all the way from Buffy's house. I think Xander already knows all this stuff about where the vampires might go. I mean, considering that he built the damn school. Andrew brought notes! And Anya, quite sensibly, shuts him down. Dawn: "Anything you say is gonna sound like goodbye." Aww. And she's right, of course. Hey, the scene shrunk to just Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles. Yay! And they're having a nice irrelevant discussion. And then Giles and Willow peel off, leaving Buffy alone with Xander. They hold hands for a moment, and Buffy's on her own. That was nice. Is that the same seal-opening snimation as before? I think it's the exact same shot. Buffy: "I'm not worried." She sounds worried to me. It's nothing to be ashamed of; she's just gone down inside the Hellmouth, the thing she's been trying to keep closed for seven years. The attacking hordes of vampires still look kind of like the orcs from The Two Towers. Buffy: "This woman is more powerful than all of them combined." Willow: sickly smile. Buffy: "From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer." Ooh! Interesting idea. And bad news for the vampires of the world, I expect. It's about time they came up with a use for all these Potentials. Willow: "That was nifty." Heh. Anya: "Bunnies. Floppy hoppy bunnies." And now she's in a killin' mood! Hey, Buffy? There's a sword through your torso. Buffy passing the axe to Faith is neat. Although I'm not sure I buy that Buffy's dead already. When the hero stands up in slow motion after a mortal wound, and there's inspirational music? That's usually a danger sign for the bad guy. We call it the "Hulkamaniac effect". So the amulet makes Spike a giant prism? Spike: "I can feel it, Buffy." He sounds (and looks) like the end of Highlander. They killed Anya? Jerks. Buffy: "I love you." Spike: "No you don't. But thanks for sayin' it." Yes, yes. It's all very affecting, and Spike must be hahppy that he got to make a big dramatic gesture. But shouldn't Buffy be leaving? I like Buffy jumping onto the bus like that. Very heroic. Of course, if she'd really wanted to show off, she would have used the axe to cut a hole in the top of the bus to jump inside. Hmm. Looks like bad news for Sunnydale. And there goes the Welcome to Sunnydale sign. Andrew: "She died saving my life." Aww. Hey! Wood's not dead! And he's got a weird sense of humor. Willow: "Slayers are awakening everywhere." Buffy: "We'll have to find them." That doesn't sound too hard. The girls with sudden spurts of superhuman power. Dawn: "Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now." It would be great if the show ended without Buffy answering that. And it does! Yes! Grr. Argh. The end! (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 13th, 2003
9:58 pm	End of Days Okay, let's get this over with. Synopsis: Buffy's got a new axe, and there are a lot of conversations. Caleb might be dead now, and Angel shows up. Comments: Previously, many things happened this season. Many, many things. Including a bomb! Kaboom! Hey, how come Faith can't outrun an explosion? I thought in television and movies, everyone could outrun explosions! Caleb: "Darn." Yeah, it was pretty obvious that if he was gloating about Buffy having to pull the axe out of solid rock that she was going to do so easily. It was still kind of funny, though. Buffy: "Yeah? You want it?" Heh. Buffy's feeling a little sassy now! A surprising number of potentials (who may not just be potentials, depending on Faith's status) are alive after that explosion. Although I guess I have no idea how many there were to begin with. Willow still can't do a decent locator spell? Potentials: "Eek! Eek! Eek!" How did Buffy know where to find them? And why does she get to do the big dramatic "rescue everyone from the horde of poorly-defined monsters" scene? I can't tell whether that was supposed to show us how powerful the new weapon is or if it's intended to show that Buffy is Pure and Good. The wounded are spread across the living room. I wonder if that means that someone's finally learned some first aid like they should have six years ago. Buffy: "I think it's some kind of scythe." I think it's a glaive-glaive-guisarme-voulge-glaive. Willow: "So it's true. Scythe matters." Yes, yes. Very droll. Buffy: "I knew it belonged to me. I just knew it." Yeah, Buffy, but that's how you feel about everything you see, isn't it? Just because you have a huge sense of entitlement doesn't mean that this is a mystic weapon created for your hands. I mean, obviously it is a mystic weapon created for your hands, but -- ah, skip it. Willow: "So maybe it's like some kind of traditional slayer weapon." Giles: "I can't imagine how something like this could exist without my having heard of it." Buffy: "Well, the good guys are not traditionally known for their communication skills." What? What about the Watchers? You know, that millenia-old society that Giles belonged to that existed specifically to convey this sort of information? God, even after the Watchers get blown up, they're still a huge continuity hole. Anya: "Trying to talk will just kill you sooner." It's true! Andrew's got a plan for a B-plot where he and Anya raid the hospital. Anything to get screen time. Xander: "I just always thought that I would be there with you. You know, for the end." Why'd he think that? He's never been about the fighting. Buffy: "Don't look at me. You're the one who said I'm gonna die." Ha! I enjoyed that line. Willow: "Here's one that's just M-question mark. What the heck is that?" Try clicking on it, Internet Genius. Giles: "The scythe is a symbol of death." That's not a scythe. I was kidding with the glaive thing earlier, but I do know what a scythe looks like. And that's not it. It's an axe with a pointy handle. Not a scythe. There are a lot of one-on-one scenes in this episode. Buffy and Xander; Willow and Giles; Xander and Dawn. I expect it's supposed to feel like the calm before the storm, but -- Ooh! Evil Xander! The eyepatch should have been a giveaway. The shots of the First Evil merging with Caleb look terrible. It's like they were shot on a different kind of film or something. Hey, Buffy gave the Axe to Faith. It's nice that she's learned to share. It's another of those one-on-one scenes. Did the axe wake Faith up, is that what's being implied here? Faith: "Thank god we're hot chicks with superpowers." Heh. Spike: "Found the Holy Grail. Or Holy Hand Grenade, or whatever that is." Another explicit Python reference. Buffy: "I need to find out what this is." No you don't! It's a weapon; you kill things with it. Go deal with the current threat first; then go do research! How are they having so many one-on-one scenes (this time with Buffy and Spike) in a house full of people? Andrew: "You are the perfect woman." Anya: "I've often thought so." Heh. I cannot believe it! They've taken Anya and Andrew and made them do a sappy saccharine one-on-one scene. I should be laughing now, but instead, Anya is "Here's the thing: when it's something that really matters, they fight." I don't want inspirational speeches coming out of Anya. No, the wheelchair fight is roo little, too late. The graveyard's surprisingly well-lit, considering the power's out in Sunnydale. In fact, I don't know that it's ever been this bright in a nighttime graveyard scene. Crazy Old Tomb Woman: "I'd forgotten." Sholdn't they have cleaned out the tombs by now? They've had years of traipsing around these graves. Buffy: "How is it possible that we didn't know any of this?" Simple: the screenwriters pulled this nonsense out of their asses at the last possible second. I'm not much for giving things wacky nicknames, but I christen that "scythe" the Deus Axe Machina. Deus Axe Machina. Heh. I kill me. Xander: "It was cholororm." Dawn: "Colorforms?" Heh. I love that joke. Oh, I see. Xander's special task from Buffy was to get Dawn out of town. That's actually a pretty good idea. Hm. I'm not sure that Dawn tasering Xander while he was driving was the best plan ever, though. Caleb really is a lot weaker than he used to be; Buffy's not even flying across the room when he hits her. Oh, there it is. Because she wasn't holding the axe, I guess? Buffy, don't trade punches with him! He'll moider ya! Stick and move! Stick and move! (that's from Rocky 3, I think) I like Buffy's completely disbelieving look at Angel. First Buffy, to Spike: "That bitch." Heh. That sounds promising. Next week: Good night, everybody! It'd be pretty funny if she killed every single vampire in the world, wouldn't it? So there'd be no need for vampire slayers? I guess there could be a loophole for vampires with souls. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
9:56 pm	Touched The Tivo summary of this episode says "Faith and the potentials discover an element of the First's plan and launch a pre-emptive strike." Isn't that what they deposed Buffy to prevent? Summary: There was, as advertised, a lot of sex. And talking. But things came together in the last ten minutes to make this a fairly exciting episode. With a good old-fashioned cliff-hanger! Comments: Previously: So much Nathan Fillion. Say, if the First can appear as any dead person anywhere, doesn't that mean it could eavesdrop on its enemy's plans? If it can appear anywhere it wants, there are no walls. An annoying crosstalk scene, made more annoying with handheld camera. It's all just a dull roar to me. Guy: "Can't just kick me out of my own house!" Buffy: "Why not? It's what all the cool kids are doing nowadays." Aaaand Buffy says a mournful goodbye to the moral high ground. She has the power to grab shotguns out of people's hands, so therefore she has the right to steal their houses. Sure. She couldn't possibly use one of the many empty houses. Ah, the old "I Spy" with only one item bit. Everyone loves that bit. Well, they used to, before it was done so often. Spike: "The Slayer's out there facing who-know's what." How come he never calls her "Buffy"? I see that now Faith's the leader, she's taken over the all-important task of delivering snotty speeches. Instead of bringing knives, the girls should have brought tasers or something. You know, something to incapacitate the Bringers. Maybe mace, although I'm not sure it would be as effective against someone with his eyes sewn shut. Willow: "Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation of that." Dawn: "There's a translation?!" Uh huh. So Dawn learned Turkish, did she? And on another subject, how come Willow can't just talk to the guy using the telepathy she occasionally manifests? Spike: "Now she surpassed you, and you can't handle it." What exactly did Buffy surpass Giles in? And Spike hits Faith. Because that's how we settle disagreements on this show: people hitting each other in the face. It sure doesn't make me like either side. Bringer, via Andrew: "We exterminate girls and destroy the legacy of the Slayer." Oh, you do not. If you did, you'd have blown up Buffy's house by now. You've killed a few girls, sure, but it's been months since you did anything like destroying the legacy of the Slayer. Spike: "Do you realize I could just walk in here, no invite needed? This town really is theirs now, innit?" Is it? How does that work, exactly? If they didn't want to require vampires to need invitations, they shouldn't have put that in the mythology. Spike should have needed an invitation, but they couldn't be bothered to get around that, so they just declared that inactive. Buffy: "And it's not like they were wrong. Please leave." Ah. She's all catatonic and unresponsive. That's new! She hasn't done this for at least two seasons! Surprise! It's the mayor! Mayor: "I am part of the First, as you kids call it, but I'm also me." That's what I thought. The First's incarnations talk and act like the people it's imitating. Spike: "You say the word and she's a footnote in history. I'll make it look like a painful accident." Now, Spike. You sure you wouldn't want to know you killed a third Slayer? Spike: "I've been alive a lot longer than you. And dead a lot longer than that!" Heh. I'm not sure that adds up, but I enjoyed it. Spike: "There's only one thing I've ever been sure of: You." Yeah, but you seemed awful sweet on Drusilla, too, so I wouldn't put too much stock in that. Spike: "That diabolical torture device, the comfy chair." Huh. An explicit Monty Python reference. Seems like an odd place for it, if you ask me. How come the First looks like the human mayor? Wasn't the mayor an enormous lizard demon when he died? Wood: "The First doesn't appear to you unless it thinks you matter." Yeah, like how it appeared to Andrew in Mexico. Why do these guys keep pretending they know anything about the First's motives and methods? Wood: "It was my mother when it came to me. And I mean it was her, right down to the perfume." I think that's probably the First's flaw. Its incarnations have something of the person they're imitating, right? So when Caleb sees Buffy, that's at least partially Buffy. There must be some way to use that. Wood and Faith, huh? It's a good thing they found this empty room in a packed house. But I bet this is exactly what Faith needed. She was in jail for a long time, you know. Kennedy: "C'mere, you." Oh, you sweet talker. Willow: "But I just have kind of been in a place where I should be restrained." Well, Spike's manacles are still downstairs. This Kennedy-Willow scene is very quiet and close. Presumably, there will be lots of noise and action presently. Ha! Anya and Xander are perfectly aware that the house is full of people having sex. I was wondering if the show was going to pretend that nobody would notice any of this. And now, an entirely gratuitous montage of sex scenes. Interracial! Lesbian! Slayer-on-Vampire! Ex-demon on guy with eyepatch! I wonder if it's sweeps. Oh, I guess Buffy and Spike weren't having sex. My mistake. Huh. Looks to me like the First is, in fact, spying on everyone. Good. First Buffy: "And you're the only man strong enough to be my vessel." Why is he so strong, anyway? Hey! Spike and Buffy are waking up right there in a sunbeam! Why even have a vampire on the show? Faith: "I'll call you when I need you." Aw, Wood seems sad. Maybe someone should have explained to him about Faith's sexual habits. Ooh! Real Buffy is invading the winery all by herself! I find that surprising. In a good way. Caleb and the First weren't expecting that, so it might even be a good idea. Good for her! For almost the first time this season, I'm excited about what's going to happen on the other side of this commercial break. Of course, the fact that the commercials include both a thetruth ad and an ad combining 7-Up and toilets means that I'm mostly excited about the prospect of the commercials being over. Caleb: "I lay a hand on you, and you're just a dead little girl." Buffy: "Then lay a hand on me. If you can." Excellent. He's got physical strength, but that doesn't mean anything if he can't hit you. I could do without the Matrix-style dodging, though. And the Bringers ambush the girls in the dark, which makes a lot of sense; the Bringers can't see anyway. I approve of this section of the show. Plus, the waving flashlights make the stuntwork hard to complain about. Can't Slayers see in the dark. Does Faith need that flashlight? Ooh, a shiny axe with a pointy handle. Buffy kills things with weapons! And we end with a ticking time bomb. Very exciting! If a little implausible, since the bomb should be triggered by either the timer or by the box being opened. Unless Faith just happened to open it seven seconds before it was going to go off. Boy, I really liked this episode once Buffy showed up at the winery. The bad guys had a good ambush plan, Buffy finally started operating sensibly, and I'm looking forward to next week. There's a chance they'll let Faith die when the bomb blows up, and then we'll have to find out which Potential gets promoted. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
10:55 pm	Empty Places Summary: Spike and Andrew go on a wild-monk hunt while Buffy gets in touch with her inner jerk. And then the house of potentials decides they prefer Faith to Buffy, which isn't really a shock. Comments: Previously, Nathan Fillion's accent as Caleb failed to thrill me. And Buffy delivered a lot of her lines in this breathy monotone that I guess is supposed to indicate that she's determined. Caleb's just hanging out in the middle of the street at midday. Remember when demons stayed hidden? Nobody's even giving him a second glance. People are fleeing Sunnydale. And that's just a good idea in general, really. I know it sounds exciting to live on the HEllmouth, but I can't help thinking that it's kind of dangerous. There's a policeman in Sunnydale? Oh, that's right. We see them every other season or so. I guess they mind-controlled him or something. Willow used to be able to hack into their computers. Crazy Guy: "From beneath you, it . . ." Remember that? Xander: "I keep waiting for my other senses to improve 50%." Good luck with that, Daredevil. Buffy doesn't deal well with Xander's injury, does she? Xander: 'I'm gonna need a parrot." He's clearly thought this thing through. Heh. He's trying to keep Willow's spirits up, when normally it would be the other way around. Anya: "I have been out talking to some of my old contacts." Because she's helpful! Anya: "Beware of their teeth and the claws they use to shred flesh." The jaws that bite and the claws that catch? Will she be telling them to shun the frumious Bandersnatch, too? Amanda?: "Why bother? Nothing works. Nothing will." You could try shooting him. Andrew, writing: "Breakup sex." Every detail can be important! So they've all decided that Caleb is super-invincible? Because he won the first fight? Buffy: "Info that Giles and Willow were able to pull off the police database." No, you have a physical file. With newspaper clippings. That's not "off a database"; it's "out of a cabinet". Some Snotty Potential: "His ability to render a Slayer useless in just one punch." What? He hit her; she fell down. That happens sometimes. And research duties are left to . . . Faith. That's a little weird. I was not looking forward to a sequence of watching Buffy feel bad for herself because of what happened to her friend. And then Caleb showed up, and now I'm worried there's going to be a nice long speech or two. Caleb: "Blah blah blah." You know, with only four episodes to go, one might think they'd be ramping things up, getting some action scenes in, that sort of thing. But no. It's all about Buffy wandering despondently through streets and empty hallways, broken up by the occasional smug speech from Caleb. So he's physically stronger than her. So what? So was the Master. So was Glory. So was Adam. So was the Mayor after he ascended. Hell, so was that robot demon that Willow accidentally summoned by scanning that demon book. It's not about physical strength. If the only thing they can think of is "Punch the bad guy in the face," they deserve to lose. Faith took the potentials to the Bronze. Am I supposed to be shocked at her callowness? Because Buffy & co. used to go to the Bronze every week back in Season 1. Buffy: "Is this a misison from which you intend Spike to return alive?" Hey, her voice is really raspy in this episode. I guess I can pretend she's been sobbing herself to sleep or something, but I think it's more likely that she's just got a cold. Buffy: "You sent away the one person who's been watching my back." God, shut up, you whiny, self-centered little brat. First of all, Spike hasn't been watching anyone's back; he's been in the basement all the time. Second, if you insist on running off to brood by yourself all the time, of course you're going to be out of the loop. Caleb's still in the same place as last time? That's a really stupid idea. The Bronze is really full, considering that the school and town is completely empty. Cop: "Outstanding warrants." Is that what they're calling "Escaped murderer" these days? Oh, I see they're fake cops. Okay. Ooh, the potentials are finally doing something. Sure, that "something" is "fighting their way out of the Bronze", but it's still action. They took the shotgun away from that guy pretty efficiently. Buffy: "Faith, I need to know that these girls are gonna be safe when I'm not around." Could Buffy be just a little more self-righteous? Because at this point, I'm just rooting for the series to hurry up and end so I don't have to watch her anymore. Faith: "Xander's home." I'm going to go ahead and assume that Willow was driving him. Buffy: "I realize now what we have to do. We're going back in." Well, that's a plan, at least. I hope there's more to it than that. Andrew: "I'll be your Bad Cop this evening." Heh. Although I object to Comic Relief Subplots, I kind of enjoy Spike essentially ignoring Andrew. That ancient inscription in the church raises questions. I mean, how ancient can it be? It's in a church in Southern California! It's not going to be older than Father Junipero Serra, right? Buffy: "The bad guys always go where the power is." Unless they're Glory, Adam, Spike&Dru, Angelus, or, really, most of the main villains other than the Master or the Mayor. Buffy: "For seven years, I've kept us safe by doing this." No you haven't. Not even close. Because this isn't what you've been doing, and you haven't kept people safe. I mean, remember the time you went catatonic and then insisted everyone flee Glory? Or the time you had to go fight the Master against your will, knowing you'd die? You've never had the power to order people into danger. Buffy: "You need someone to lead you." Anya: "Automatically you." Anya is, as always, correct. Buffy: "I've gotten us this far." Xander: "But not without a price." Ouch. Somebody: "Isn't Faith a slayer too?" Faith: "What? So not what I meant." First, I'm glad to see someone finally acknowledge that if being a slayer means you get to be first in line, Faith should be up there too. Second, "so not what I meant"? That would seem to imply that Faith had a little word with everybody beforehand. Buffy: "I can't stay here and watch her lead you into some disaster." Dawn: "Then you can't stay here." Hey! It's Buffy's house! I'm totally on board with deposing her, but that should mean they go get a new base of operations, shouldn't it? Dawn: "This is my house, too." And Buffy, in whose name the house presumably is, will go out into the demon-infested night. And she doesn't have a job, incidentally. Buffy: "Don't be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours." Hey, good for you, Buffy. And she has to find a place to sleep. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she cruised by the cemetary and took out her frustrations on some vampires first. Next week: Looks like a lot of sex. Maybe it's a clip show! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 20th, 2003
10:31 pm	Dirty Girls Hey, whatever happened to all that "From beneath you, it devours" stuff? They repeated it so often, I kind of got the impression there would be some devouring at some point. From beneath, you know. Summary: The First's primary minion shows up and kills a few potentials. It remains to be seen whether that means there will be fewer potentials in the crowd scenes. Oh, and Faith shows up, but doesn't do much except flirt with Spike. And Xander gets his eye poked out. Coments: Previously: Faith. And the First. And some potentials, including that pink-haired one in Germany. I wish she'd survived; she'd make the show more fun. Oh, and Wood and Spike. Hey, it's a priest. And he says he's "not funnin' ya." Two things. First, fathers in Whedon's shows are bad. Second, people who talk in any weird lingo other than the way Buffy & co. talk -- they're evil. I think I'd noticed that before Ted. Creepy Priest: "That there door's problematical." Yeah, it's been trouble ever since you took off the handle. Hmm. So the priest knew that Willow and Faith were behind him, and he knew where they were going. And he wants to deliver a message to Buffy, who he calls the "one and only" slayer. I was hoping that that kind of talk would stop once Faith was actually onscreen. Is Xander making time with a potential? Does he live in the Summers house now, or has that ever been established? Xander: "She's not gonna send you into battle until she's sure you're ready for action." Yes, her concern for the potentials can be easily discerned by the way she keeps telling them they're going to die. Oh, and there's the vampire she keeps in the basement. Potential: "I've never been with a man. I could die tomorrow." Oh please -- yup, it's a dream. Naughty Xander. Faith: "Girl's been gutted like a catfish." Bart: "Knife goes in, guts go out." Faith: "Something's killing girls all over the world. Trying to end the slayer line. Thing like that, figure I might get a heads-up." She's right, you know. Faith: "Guess it doesn't really matter. As long as you got the true slayer intact." What? What? Okay, I freely admit that there are people who watch a lot closer than I do. However, it is my belief that this "true slayer" stuff is total retcon with no basis in anything that's been shown. Willow: "I tried calling her at home. They said she was out patrolling." Remember that cell-phone they had earlier this season? Yeah. Forget 'em. Faith: "Don't worry. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine." I give them credit for not immediately cutting to Buffy punching Faith in the face. They're still having Spike chase potentials? Spike: "Stop!" Heh. Ah, there's Buffy punching Faith in the face. So -- Spike was chasing Buffy through the cemetary as a game? Faith: "Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?" Heh. Because Faith's seen enough bad genre television shows to expect a role-reversal episode now and again. Spike: "Angel's dull as a table lamp! And we have very different coloring." He hates being compared to Angel, doesn't he? Although I guess I would too. Faith: "Got a spare bed for a wanted fugitive?" Dawn: "There's some nice hotels that welcome tried-to-kill-your-sister types." Sigh. Let's see. Spike tried several times to kill Buffy. Willow was certainly willing to while she was in world-destroying mood. I don't remember Anya specifically trying to do it, but that's just because people's wishes didn't come up right. And Andrew participated in various anti-Buffy schemes. Is that all? Am I missing one? Faith: "Check it out. Brat's all woman-sized." Bowm-chicka-bow-wow! Buffy wears a lot of makeup when she's out patrolling. Spike: "Giles was part of a plan to kill me for Buffy's own good." He's pretty casual about it, which I can understand. After you've been a vampire for long enough, you probably take these things in stride. Nathan Fillion's southern accent is, to me, not entirely convincing. Also, I'm not really listening to his monologue. Oh, look. The First is using Flirty Buffy to do its work. Huh. Fine, he's an evil creepy priest. I get the point. It's interesting that he's the one who organized the monks and blew up the council. Although, again, if he has access to bombs, why doesn't he just go take down the Summers house? Andrew: "Faith! Blah blah blah." Yeah, you already did that joke. Although I like her fighting Spock. Write a story about that! Andrew doesn't know what a vulcanologist is? He's not even a very good geek. I really enjoy the Chinese slayer who always looks scared and speaks no English. Buffy: "Hi, boss. I'm here to report for work. Is it a problem that I said I'd let my pet vampire kill you?" Or words to that effect. Wood: "You're fired. Effective immediately." Good for him. She's terrible at her job, and she really ought to be focusing on the plot. There's only five episodes left, you know. Have they mentioned that? Faith's smoking! That means she's still evil, right? Is Faith making fun of Spike for having manacles on the wall? She used to live in a prison. There were handcuffs and stuff all over the place! Spike: "Schoolgirl thing's old hat." Spike's a connoisseur; he only respects brand-new, cutting-edge, really-odd kinks. Spike: "The body-swap. With Buffy." Ooh, somebody's been watching the old episodes. Looking for an excuse for Spike and Buffy to rub up against each other. Girl in Bed: "Right before he burned me." Willow: "Ooh! Let me get a picture of that for me scrapbook!" Buffy: "Calls himself Caleb." For me, any mention of a "Caleb" in a vampire context immediately reminds me of Near Dark. Buffy: "I'm tired of talking." No! Say it isn't so! C'mon Buffy, you know you love the sound of your own voice. Father Caleb: Blah blah blah blah blah. Lovely. Another villain who likes to talk. Caleb: "Do it again." I like that he's treating the First as a source of entertainment. If I were the First, I'd get annoyed by that sort of thing. But if I had the First around, I'd be all "Now do Marilyn Monroe! Now do Cicero! Ooh! Do John Lennon!" It would take about an hour before it got fed up and went off to find a new minion. Buffy: "I am through waiting around for people to attack us." Hey, Buffy? When Faith thinks you're being rash? It's time to settle down. Xander: Oh good! Another speech! Hooray! That's just what I was hoping for! A speech! What's-her-name: "Wot is this plice?" Couldn't get anyone to help you with your accent, huh? The Chinese vampire is in the battle? She doesn't even know what's going on! So who's Giles working with back at the house? For that matter, why's Giles even in this episode? Caleb: "The slayer. The fastest." The, the, the. Faith's right there! How did Buffy just stand there while he punched her in the face? She's supposed to be ready for that sort of thing. And besides, she didn't fly as far as when Glory hit her. I admire the potentials' guts in attacking Caleb right after seeing him take down Buffy and Spike without effort. Oh no! One of the potentials, whose name I cannot remember, has died. And there goes another of the faceless mob. See, this is why they shouldn't have had so many potentials; if I can't distinguish between them, it doesn't matter to me if a couple die. I never even knew how many there were. Hey! Xander needs that eye, doesn't he? Although I guess he'll get to wear a cool eyepatch now. Caleb: More talking. God, I have to listen to him voiceover, too? Can't his speeches be restricted to when he's onscreen? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
9:12 pm	Baseball Was there supposed to be a new Buffy tonight? It appears to be a baseball game. Huh. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
9:35 pm	Lies My Parents Told Me "Lies My Parents Told Me"? You mean like "If you keep doing that, the lobsters will come for you in the night and cut off your hands" and "I love you"? But I kid. Synopsis: Buffy has developed an unhealthy attachment to Spike. Wood tries to kill Spike. We learn about Spike's mother. Comments: When we last left Buffy, she was fighting a demon that had shape-shifted into a tiger. No, wait. That was the XBox game. Spike: "Spent a long time trying to track you down." How hard can that have been? Don't vampires generally keep track of the Slayer? It seems like it would be a good idea. This episode is awfully fight-heavy so far. Wood: "Just waiting for my moment." Yeah, whatever, Hamlet. I say, either take your revenge or get over it. Buffy: "Well, no fires. No one's head's going kablooey." Oh, that reminds me. I saw some people bemoaning Buffy's cavalier attitude toward the kid who blew up. But back when Buffy was in high school, students died all the time. Remember how Sunnydale High School had the only school newspaper with an obituary section? Remember all those fresh teen vampires? Remember the constant, constant deaths by background people? Check your DVDs, man. I'm not a bit surprised that Buffy is casual about the occasional student death. In her world, they happen all the time. Wood: "You're something else, Miss Summers. I've been watching you when we're out patrolling." Uh oh. And he was just brooding at the window. Is he hitting on Buffy? Giles: "Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers; there's not a book to be seen!" Well, not every school library has a whole bunch of books the librarian "borrowed" from the British Museum. Buffy: "But he wouldn't hurt anyone anymore because " -- he's a fluffy floppy bunny? -- "he has a soul now." Ah, right. I forgot that having a soul means you never hurt anyone. Giles: "We have to put this in your brain." Spike: "Bugger that!" Good call, Spike. If I were in your position, I too would be firmly against people sticking things in my brain. You just got rid of the last wacky implant. Giles: "This will access the cerebral cortex via the optic nerve." Spike: "Oh, bollocks." Heh. On the one hand, I enjoy his Generic Britishisms. On the other hand, I was worried they were just going to stick it in his ear (like in Star Trek 2), so I'm glad they upped the ante. Hey, how come the CGI worm is making a bump on Spike's forehead? If it's going to travel up the optic nerve to the cerebral cortex, it shouldn't be up by the forehead; it should have gone directly back into his skull. Don't make me whip out Gray's Anatomy on you. Ah. Spike's watching his pathetic mortal self. I hope the two of them get in a fight, like happened on Angel. I like how Spike's mortal accent is nothing like his Tough Guy Vampire accent. He's such a poseur. So what have they learned? That Spike becomes violent when worms crawl into his eye sockets? Because I'm pretty sure I'd yell and throw things too. Hey, Spike remembers the name of the song! I'm surprised, because these things almost never work. Potentials: "Bwa bwa bwa bwa bwa bwa bwa." Andrew: "Somebody named Fred. Guy sounds sort of effeminate." Heh. A cheap, silly joke, and I therefore enjoy it. Hi, Drusilla! Long time no see! Drusilla: "Three?" Spike: "You, me, and mother." Oh dear. He wants to live with mother. Buffy: "What's going on?" Willow: "Nothing you need to worry about." Good call. Buffy would probably find tales of Faith and Angelus a little distracting right now. But that means that when Willow shows up with Faith in tow, people are going to react strongly. Giles: "Buffy." Buffy: "Don't." Yeah, this is no time for thinking things through and being rational. Wood was raised by a Watcher? No wonder he's so bland. Giles: "Spike killed your mother." You're lucky Wood already figured that out, otherwise that would not have been the most ideal way to break the news. Giles: "Buffy, while I'm not technically your Watcher anymore" Then who is? Is anyone? Buffy: "Have you seen me with those girls? The way I've treated my friends and my family? And Andrew? Believe me, I know how to make hard decisions." Ah. Okay, set aside the obvious "she didn't mention Spike" part. What I find interesting here is that we're finally learning why Buffy's been making all these snotty, put-upon speeches about how terrible everyone is. She thinks that constitutes "making difficult decisions" and thus "leadership". It's a stretch, obviously, but it sort of makes sense. Spike: "What the bloody hell is this?" He's British, you know. Spike: "Killed a lot of people's mothers." I'm glad he didn't remember her right away. Wood makes a big deal of clicking on his Macintosh mouse. He's clicked on it three times, and every time was big and dramatic. I didn't know you could even use Macintoshes without constant mousework. Spike's Mum: "It's who you'll always be. A limp, sentimental fool." Yup. Wood got the coat back! Good for him. And now he's going to use a cross, which I don't think has ever worked in the history of this show. Traditionally, the best effect you can hope for from a cross is to make the vampire flinch. Then they snarl and knock it out of your hand. Spike: "I don't give a piss about your mum. She was a slayer. I was a vampire." It's a fair point, if you ask me. Although now that I think about it, what's so amazing about Spike having killed two slayers? Lots of slayers must have been killed over the millenia, and almost all of them by vampires. Even Drusilla bagged one. Surely at least a few vampires got more than one. Spike: "Like you, I loved my mother." Oh god. Spike: "I got my own free will now." Sez you. Giles: "This is the way wars are won!" Oh, it is not. Wars are won by going out and engaging the enemy. Get on with it already. Spike: "He even so much as looks at me funny, I'll kill him." I may be making this up, but it looks to me like Buffy is disturbed about Spike admitting that he still has the capability to kill. Buffy: "Spike is the strongest warrior we have." Not once Faith gets here, he's not. Buffy: "More importantly, I'll let him." Buffy, you are so very, very stupid. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
9:55 pm	Storyteller "Storyteller"? Like the short-lived Jim Henson series? That was great! Synopsis: Remember that army of CGI vampires behind the seal? Forget about them, because they've apparently managed to deactivate the seal, which means that the only villain left is the First Evil. And the bringers, which have been fairly inactive for a group of blind ninja monks. Comments: Previously: an awful lot of the three evil geeks I guess that's to remind us all about Andrew. Ooh, Masterpiece Theatre music. And it's intentional, I guess, as Andrew is in one of those overstuffed leather chairs I want. I'm surprised to see that his pipe is real; I figured it would be a bubble pipe. Andrew: "It was cold last night, and the wind was cru-el." Heh. I like when people overpronounce words. Buffy's out killing vampires by herself? Shouldn't she be getting some help from the millions of girls in her house? Andrew stayed in the bathroom for thirty minutes? And it's the only bathroom in a house of roughly 25 people? Man. Anya: "Well, why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?" Heh. Now that's comedy! Which makes me sad that the episode will probably have more Andrew than Anya. Andrew: "Hey, why do vampires show up on video?" That's a good question. I like that someone asked it, and I also approve of Buffy ignoring it. As Andrew starts his backstory ("Buffy lives in Sunnydale, California"), there's the standard "Home Video Camera" brackets around the endges of the screen. But in the upper left, it says "PLAY" in green. As opposed to "RECORD" in red. Odd. Andrew: "There's a Hellmouth underneath the high school." This would be more interesting if everyone didn't already know it. I mean, on its own, it's an entertainingly awkward way to convey backstory. But at this point, it's just kind of annoying. Maybe they're planning on killing Andrew, so they want me to be really sick of him. Who paid for all that cereal? Amanda: "I'm Amanda!" Aw. For a second, I thought we were going to get to learn the names of all the potential slayers. Heh. I like the "Andrew's-Eye-View" with Spike always shirtless and the slow motion and wind machine. Is that how Andrew sees the world? Willow: "It does help the girls with training. You know, viewing the tapes." Buffy never got to even learn the name of the Slayer that preceded her, did she? On the other hand, I guess that means she never had to hear about her death. Buffy: "A horrible vision. Hundreds upon hundreds . . ." And Andrew pans away! Hooray! That's good thinking. I think Andrew should be in charge of directing the show every week. And now it says "REC" in red in the corner. Huh. Jonathan and Warren have Chemistry Goggles. And it's clearly an evil laboratory, because there are many beakers full of colored liquid and bubbles. Buffy: "I mean mentally. And from what I've seen so far, there's no way you girls are ready." And Willow can be seen stifling a yawn. Heh. Wow, Andrew's just full-on delusional! Good for him. Andrew: "Hey, I think Buffy stopped talking. That usually means she had to go to work." Ha! You know, against all odds, I'm really enjoying this. Invisible Girl II: "You knew I was there. You noticed me." Uh oh. It looks like Buffy's going to go on a whirlwind tour of old plots. That's no good. As Buffy talks, Wood is looking at her like he's thinking "You are just the cutest little thing!" Andrew: "Dawn used to be a key" -- and he pans over to a key ring. I'm not crazy about that directorial decision. But as long as he keeps ignoring Buffy's speeches, he's okay in my book. Andrew: "Look at the fine work Xander did on replacing that window sash." Heh. I commend Willow and Kennedy on their laserlike focus on making out. They ignore him completely! Andrew: "I understand that exactly one year ago today, you left Anya at the altar. Any comment on that?" Xander: "Whoa. What the hell?" It's attack journalism! Andrew could be on 60 Minutes with tactics like that. Andrew's forcing Xander and Anya to talk about what happened. It's like he's made it his mission to go around cleaning up plot threads. Buffy: "You're running to catch the bus naked; that's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision." I hope there's a scene in a few episodes where Buffy runs to catch a bus naked. That'd show her! Wood's eyes went all white. Neat. In this world, to see if someone's evil, all you have to do is watch their eyes. Spike: "Piss off . . . bloody . . . sod off . . . rip your throat out." Ah. The camera gobo says "PLAY" this time because Andrew is watching it. And rewatching it. Creepy. Oh no! Some students are trying to open the seal! That's only happened three times this season (although it's only worked once). Oh, good. We're finally going to learn what happened in Mexico to bring Andrew and Jonathan back to Sunnydale. Everyone's been clamoring to know that missing part of the story. Except that they haven't, really. Andrew: "We're fugitives. Haunted by our past." No, you're haunted by ghosts, which is a little more common. Andrew: "Can't I have a cool, refreshing Zima?" Buffy: "No Zima." Spike: "Shut your face about the Zima." Heh. I like the implication that Andrew's been talking about Zima constantly, but it just never happened where we could see it. Andrew: "I'm the detached journalist." This week. Willow: "And stop going off-topic." If you like, you can pretend that's a reference to Buffy Message Boards of various flavors. First Warren casts a shadow. Two shadows, in fact. Andrew: "Jonathan has been a good friend to me here in Me-hee-ko. He said he'll buy me a burro!" Heh. That, I find funny. But I don't care for the Nutty Bunny-style "living as Gods" sequence. Andrew: "It's in the kitchen in the cutlery drawer. You didn't have any steak knives." Heh. Andrew is a very clear thinker. Knives go over here in the knife drawer. Clearly. That knife looks nothing like a steak knife. But I guess it's not inconceivable that they wouldn't notice it; there's plenty of archaic weapons in the building. Buffy: "Look, we have to deal with the seal right away." Haven't you known about the seal for months now? They ripped up the new school set already? That was fast. Andrew: "Check out Spike and the Principal. There's something going on there." Andrew is more perceptive than the rest of the gang. "Sexual tension you could cut with a knife." Or perhaps not. Or maybe they're just making fun of the kind of fans who are convinced everyone's having sex with each other. Is that a hockey stick? Sunnydale has hockey? It's nice that the students restricted the fires to the big metal trash cans. I mean, I don't know where they got them, but it's better than just setting the school on fire. Andrew: "NOOOOOOOOOO!" Heh. Buffy: "You just completely changed your entire story!" Hey, she really was listening to him. Huh. There's a Star Trek/Buffy convention here in Seattle in two weeks. It's called, apparently, "The Star Terk/Buffy Convention". It'll have Roxann Dawson, Yobert Duncan McNeil, and Robert Picardo from Voyager (which means I don't know who they are) and James Maarsters and Andy Hallett from Buffy and Angel. Neat. Xander: "It's too bad Buffy took Spike's chains down." Anya: "You said it." Heh. Ooh, Spike's got a board with nails pounded through it. Excellent. Wasn't there a seal in Ashanti's garage, too? So why is it so important to come to this one? Buffy's pretty casual about this plan to bleed Andrew. Jerk. Buffy: "Well, I don't like having to give a bunch of speeches about how we're all gonna live. Because we won't." Actually, Buffy, if you'll check the tape, you'll see that what you really do is give speeches about how people are going to die. You've given speeches about how you're going to die, about how the potentials are going to die, and now you're giving a speech about how Andrew is going to die. Shut up already. Good for you, Buffy. You made Andrew cry. Kudos. How hard can that be, anyway? Andrew probably cries when there are no more pop-tarts. Well, on the other hand, it's nice that Buffy was able to use her innate ability of being a mean, mean person. I didn't think that would come in handy. Why did he use a remote control to stop the tape? How far away could the camera have been? Grr, Argh guy: "We are as gooooods!" (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
9:26 pm	Get It Done Synopsis: Buffy yells at the terrified girls she's stuffed into her house, and then gets transported back in time or seomthing. Spike kills something, and Wood looks at him suspiciously. Giles is nowhere to be seen. Comments: Is that "Get it done" as in "accomplish something" or is it more like "Get it over with"? Previously: Hey, they showed the clip of Spike taking the leather coat (which I seem to be mentioning an awful lot, don't I?) from the slayer he killed. A monster in Buffy's house? Oh, no, wait. It's the First Slayer. About time, too -- I think everyone whose name starts with "The First" is probably related in some way. Anya: "I'm a bright girl. Good education." Really? She got an education? When? She doesn't mean the time she was pretending to be a student at Sunnydale High, does she? Although I guess she did sound educated when she was espousing Marxism. In the credits, there's "Indigo" and "Lalaine". Last week, we had "Ashanti". That's a lot of single-named people, don't you think? Anya: "I like my sex on top of the table." Heh. Anya's not very good at the subtle sexual innuendo; it's her unnerving directness that gets in the way. It occurs to me that Wood's employing Buffy, which is really what the Watcher's Council should have been doing. I wonder how he feels about the Watchers. Buffy: "Usually blows around May." Heh. Thanks to the television season, you see. Wood: "This bag belonged to my mother." Buffy's already got one toy from a dead Slayer (Kendra's Mr. Pointy, unless she lost it somewhere). Buffy: "But unfortunately, no one was watching the council, and all their watchers were killed." I guess she means that all the potentials' watchers were killed, because there are still a couple of the council's watchers still alive: Giles, and whoever made that call to tell the gang that Giles might be dead. And, uh, Robson, was it? Andrew: "Can we try to just keep our secret headquarters a little bit secret?" He's probably still mad that his last secret headquarters was a basement. Hmm. Looks like, I guess, twenty potentials. That's a lot of them. Probably too many. Drill Instructor Whoever: "Push-ups, maggot!" Shut up. I hate you. Willow: "Oh thank god. If I had to explain all these weapons -- I got nothing." Yeah, nothing as good as that "cheerleading" excuse, anyway. Buffy: "And the brains of our operation wears oven mitts." Andrew's the brains? What? Wood: "Is that what you are? A good guy?" Brood, brood, brood. Spike: "And now I'm unique. Well, more or less." Heh. Buffy: "You're not Chloe." Good eye, Buffy. Not Chloe: "I'm coming." Well, get on with it, then. God, it's like The First is the ultimate Bond Villain. Talk, talk, talk. If you have an evil plan, I wish you'd just do whatever it is you're going to do. Buffy buried Chloe by herself? That's not a good idea, is it? Buffy: "She was weak." Shut up, you huge jerk. Buffy: "Well, from no on I'm your leader, as in 'do what I say.'" And what you've said to do so far, is "stand around". I say to you what I said to The First: Enough with the speeches. Enough with the fist-shaking; enough with the rhetoric. Do you have a plan for attacking The First, or are you just going to keep yelling at the girls you dragged across the world? Direct your aggression elsewhere, missy. Buffy: "What I want is the Spike that's dangerous." Woo woo! There are very few people in this room. There are a couple of potentials, I guess -- no, wait. it that Kennedy next to Willow? She gets to be in the Important room? Huh. Well, I don't see Andrew this time, at least. Dawn: "It's not in Sumerian anymore." Stop reading it out loud, dummy. Didn't you ever see Evil Dead? Buffy: "Find a way." Ah. This would be the inspired leadership that Buffy provides, then. Jumping into mysterious dimensional portals without a thought in the world for what might happen, so your friends can be attacked by big demons with paint that sort of reminds me of the First Slayer's. Kennedy, I guess: "Is getting thrown through the ceiling what Spike does best?" Heh. Willow: "Thanks for your support." Anya: "Well, it's true." Willow's just now noticing that Anya's not all about the supportive but Buffy's been transported to the planet of the Gorns! No, wait, it's just a California desert. I guess. Anya: "If she's so superior, let her find her own way back." Right on. Wood: "If we want Buffy back, we have to find that demon and send it through.' My theory is that they'll send a different demon through. Like maybe the demon standing there in the kitchen mouthing off and being unhelpful. Spike: "And don't be stingy with the mojo." That's an odd sentence. And Spike goes out the back door into what looks like a bright sunny day. Buffy: "You know, I know we have bigger issues to deal with, but how'd I understand anything you guys just said?" I approve of that. While being aware of the overall quest (whatever that is), take a moment to acknowledge whatever weirdness is going on right around you. Guy: "Papana." Subtitle: "No." That's a three-syllable word that means "No"? Huh. That must take a long time. Willow's got the funny contact lenses again. Buffy in chains. This could be a problem. These guys created the slayer? With CGI effects? Huh. That explains surprisingly little. Also, what about new slayers in future generations? Spike's gone to get the leather coat. This will symbolize him being a cool bad guy again, like Buffy told him she wanted. But Wood recognizes the coat, just like I said (ha! thought you could slip that one by me? The coat's a plot point, and I saw it coming a mile away). Willow: "Mighty forces, I suck at Latin, okay?" Heh. Spike seems to be enjoying the fight now. It's because he's spent so many seasons poncing around that he's gotten away from his old mayhem-causing self. Buffy: "Just the men who did this. To her. Whoever that girl was before she was the first slayer." I'm on Buffy's side on this one. These guys are jerks, albeit historical ones, and need to be taught a lesson. Ooh, Spike's smoking! I hope that means he's evil now. Or if not "evil", at least "interesting". Oh no! It's an army of computer-generated vampires! The TV Guide description said the household was going to "suffer a grievous loss." I guess that was Chloe. Huh. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
10:40 pm	First Date Synopsis: A few episodes ago, Buffy vowed to take the fight to The First, because they were an army. Therefore, tonight, she and Xander are going on dates. Comments: Previously: Hey, remember Principal Wood? And that axe coming at Giles's head? Hey, it's Bad-ass Giles! Take that, axe-wielder! Although he's already turned into Windbag Giles. Giles: "You just hit me! Why didn't your chip go off?" Oh, good. I was worried Buffy wasn't going to tell anyone that she had the chip taken out of Spike. That's one plot device that didn't go anywhere. I like the new Slayer from Shanghai. She doesn't speak English, I take it. The guest stars include Anthony Stewart Head (which we already knew because he's right there onscreen), Ashanti (from the previews), and Danny Strong, presumably back to haunt Andrew or something. Buffy: "Spike has a soul now. That's what's gonna keep him from hurting people." Well, I kind of agree with that. If the reason he doesn't hurt people is that he's got a chip in his head, that's not character growth. He wasn't able to make a decision for himself. Buffy: "When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle." Oh my! Ashanti's shopping for rope. Man, this never happens to me when I'm at Home Depot. Buffy should really get better at coming up with excuses. Buffy: "Watching a reality show about a millionaire?" Heh. Although I guess it was funnier before the UPN suits said they couldn't say "Joe Millionaire". Ooh! Principal Wood's got one of those wavy knives! And a whole lot more knives, too! Does that mean he's evil? Or is he just prepared? Because, you know, his office is directly over the Hellmouth. Weapons aren't that bad an idea. I guess Wood installed the sliding panel and knife rack himself. Because the guy who built the school (Xander) would have mentioned it, right? Willow's folding the laundry? Don't they have potentials for that? Surely Willow outranks them. Willow: "You're a frisky vixen." What? Buffy: "Like a bidet of evil." Again: what? Willow: "I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on." That's funny, but Willow's not one to talk. Like she's never gone on endless looping sentences that never end. The new potential is the best actor of the bunch. Because I can't understand her, so it doesn't matter if her line readings are bad. I can't tell! Whee! Andrew's reading the microwave's manual. Good for him! Although the grim spectre of Jonathan doesn't think so. Andrew: "Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya, and Willow. And Spike." Giles, too, but Andrew doesn't know that. Jonathan: "Interesting. And you're the only one she makes seek redemption. Does that seem fair to you." He's kind of got a point. I don't think Andrew's going to be as big a sucker for Jonathan as he would be for a vision of Warren. Plus, the First should have realized from the "blood-buying fiasco" that Andrew makes a lousy minion. And now Anya's hand-washing stuff! They should really make the potentials do that stuff. Anya: "I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous." Buffy: "Well, it's not working." Anya: "Are you nuts, of course it's working! Observe my bitter ranting!" Ha! Anya's just great. Hooray for Anya. She doesn't even lie to herself. Ashanti: "That's hot cocoa!" Heh. She saw right through Xander. And even if she hadn't, people who brag about how tough they are because they drink Supercoffee aren't as tough as they think. Aah! Stick-figure vampire slayer flash cards! Remember the drawings Giles made in Hush? Funny! Giles feels the way I do about all this woo-pitching that's suddenly going on. "These girls are in mortal danger. Didn't you see the flashcards?" Heh. He's just mad that he went to all that work without people paying attention. Principal Wood: Best-kept secret in town." Like he'd know more about Sunnydale than Buffy? Buffy: "Well, it is one of the nicer dark alleys." Heh. I don't think she's being euphemistic here. She spends a lot of time in dark alleys, so she might well have a list in her head of which ones are nicer. Ah. Principal Wood lured Buffy into the middle of a bunch of vampires. To watch her fight, I guess. Eventually, the vampires will learn not to attack Buffy. Won't they? Oh, Wood's killing vampires himself. Nice that he can hold up his end. Wood: "The restaurant's right there." What? Oh, it is! Neat. Buffy: "So you didn't hire me for my counseling skills." Poor deluded Buffy. Wood: "When I was a little boy, my mother was one." A slayer found time in her busy schedule to have a child? So Wood's mother's watcher took him in and raised him? That's the sort of thing the Watcher's Council could have mentioned at some point, isn't it? The First's plan is to have Andrew go on a shooting spree? There are so many ways this can go wrong. Primary among them being that you really shouldn't give Andrew a gun. Andrew: "Are you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so, like, if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away?" Andrew's trying to figure out how to defeat the villain! What a good idea! Jonathan: "Are you wearing a wire?" Wait -- so can Willow hear Jonathan on the headphones? Neat. Ew. Jonathan's all sweaty. Or I guess he's moldering. Decaying. Looking icky, anyway. Hey! Xander's date is going really well! He's gotten tied to a big wooden wheel. That seems like more of a third-date thing. Ashanti: "Do the ropes hurt?" Xander: "Yes." Ashanti: "Good!" Ha! And: Oh my. Xander was able to send a text message while tied down? How did he do that? Spike: "I'll go get Buffy. I can probably still track her scent." Great look of horror from Giles. Wood: "How do you two know each other?" Buffy, quickly: "He works with me!" I guess Buffy's figured out what vampire killed Wood's mother. Hey -- that means Spike's coat belonged to Wood's mother! I admire Wood's attention to detail in cutting down Xander even after he realized that Spike was a vampire. It would have been easy to get distracted there. Ashanti looks different without her head. Heh. Did I mention that I like the new potential? Xander: "I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow! Gay me up! C'mon! Let's go!" Willow: "What?" Heh. Andrew: " Captain Archer." Oh, stop it. Giles: 'Oh, enough!" He's always had a fairly low tolerance for the airy persiflage. Wood: "You're not my mother." Good man. Stay focused. Hey, she's got the leather coat. Not Wood's Mom: "Reread what the witnesses said." Witnesses? (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
10:16 pm	The Killer in Me Synopsis: It's Dangling Plot Thread Week on Buffy as we deal with Spike's chip, Giles' mortality, and Willow's unresolved feelings. Although we don't really resolve anything. Comments: Ooh, scary title. Previously: Amy? Hostile 17? Tara getting shot? Long-term memory this time. Giles makes Dawn get the notebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he's dead, I wish they'd just get on with it. You know why it won't come as a surprise? Because we all but saw him get the top of his head axed off. Buffy: "You, too." She sounds sick. Is it an EVIL sickness? Buffy: "I cannot believe I have my bathroom all to myself for two whole days." How many bathrooms do they have? Does that mean that Xander, Willow, Anya, and Kennedy are all barred from Buffy's bathroom? And where does Spike go to peroxide his hair. Oh, look. Spike's crazy. Or so it would seem. Since he was clutching his head (and they showed that Initiative stuff in the previouslies), I'm going to assume that someone at Mutant Enemy has remembered that Spike has a chip in his head, and now it's been activated by the power of plot convenience. How come Buffy didn't get some information on Spike's chip back when she was, you know, actually part of the Initiative? And doesn't she still have Riley's contact information? Kennedy: "Well, the lighting in here's good." No it isn't. Not really. Since when does the Bronze serve umbrella-laden foofy drinks? Spike: "Or maybe I wasn't meant to last this long." It's a good point. We saw the Initiative's hospital; it was staffed by zombies, as I remember. Well, there were zombies in the lab, anyway. That one time. My point is that they didn't necessarily look like experts at installing chips into people's brains. Willow: "Tara and I are kind of private." Heh. I'm going to pretend that's a reference to the way it took forever to show a Willow-Tara kiss on screen. Hey, Buffy does have the sense to try calling Riley! Willow turns off the Moulin Rouge dvd early? But then she misses the cool version of Bolero over the end credits! Oh my gosh! It's Warren! That's shocking! Except for the clip they showed right before the episode, which showed Warren saying "I'm Willow." And Tivo's episode summary, which reads, in part, "After sharing a kiss with Kennedy, Willow transforms into Warren." Really, I don't know why people even bother avoiding spoilers, because the network is determined to tell you what's going to happen. Hey, it's that bit where the person looks in the mirror to see what they really look like. Warren: "I'm Willow." In this situation, they should at least consider listening. It's happened before. A lot. Over and over again. Remember when Giles was a demon? Sheesh. Andrew told Warren/The First off. Good for him! He changed his tune pretty quickly when he thought it was really Warren, though. The guy who plays Warren isn't doing a great job of being Willow. He's not, I don't know, twitchy enough. But I guess he doesn't have time to settle into the role with the way they keep cutting back and forth between him and Alyson Hannigan. Are they afraid we'll forget he's really Willow if they don't show a girl every five seconds? Is that the Initiative's cave? I thought that got filled with concrete and blown up or something. The last thing Robson remembers is the last thing we saw. So Giles may or may not be dead. Well, that certainly advances the plot. Dawn: "But there's no way we can know." Sigh. Yes there is. You all knew that episodes ago. You all saw how the First infiltrated you. If none of you did anything, you're all idiots. Period. Also dumb: Rushing out without leaving a note at the house. And weren't there cell-phones at some point? Why even introduce them if you're not going to use them? If Giles is the First, he's going to meet the First Slayer, isn't he? Neat. Maybe that's the plan. Guys can't be wiccans? Oh, wait, there is one guy in the circle, I guess. Amy: "I'm sorta screwed up." You don't say! Amy: "Give back the form the soul requires." That sounds like it could backfire. I was kind of hoping it would turn Amy back into a rat, but I guess it put Warren into, um, Warren's body. Warren and Willow are the original odd couple! You could base a whole (terrible) show on this premise. I'm really getting tired of the constant switching back and forth between seeing Warren and Willow. But I notice in the scene with Kennedy with "I'm turning into him" and "you understand nothing about magic", they were showing Warren from the front and Willow from behind. And then Warren from both angles. So they're showing less and less Willow, is I guess the plan. Unless that's giving them too much credit. Spike: "They just sealed the place off." Really? A huge cavern underneath the vampire capital of California, and it just stayed unpopulated? Weird. Anya: "Just a teenager, a powerless former demon, and two big geeks." This is where longtime fans would get angry, because Xander's been reduced to Andrew-status. Spike: "Think something's survived." That's not impossible. I remember zombies and vampires just off the top of my head. And there were other monsters that might not really need constant food or air. Can't Spike see in the dark? Kennedy: "I never said I was a potential slayer." I was just going to mention that. Gun store guy: "So, same model as last time? How'd that work out for you?" At first, I was impressed that he remembered what Warren bought several months ago. That's good customer service! But then I remembered how rarely people in Sunnydale use guns, so he probably doesn't have a constant stream of customers. Xander: "Touch him! Touch him!" Well, that's kind of an odd thing to yell. So Giles isn't noncorporeal. So all that dancing around stuff was just to be cutesy? That's pretty dumb. Hi, Initiative! I thought you got filled with concrete! Initiative Guy: "Agent Finn said it was your call, ma'am." Neat. Riley sure trusts her. And I guess people trust Riley. So it was a coincidence that she turned into Warren after kissing Willow? Is that anything like the coincidence that had Amanda standing outside the door at just the right moment for the slayer-aura to hit Dawn? Or the coincidence of Giles never touching anything? I kind of expected Amy to claim she did it all because she's still mad about being a rat all that time. And then I was going to point out that she did that to herself. But she didn't say it, so I can't. Kennedy: "Who did you kill, Willow?" Heh. She's having trouble following all this. I can understand that. Aw. Willow's breaking down because she's starting to accept Tara's death. Poor Willow. I bet this is tough to watch for those people that bought the Tara-and-Willow banner ad on TWoP. Yeah, but what about Amy? How'd she know Kennedy was a potential slayer? How'd she teleport Kennedy to the backyard? Oh, and, I guess, we have to know if Buffy had Spike rechipped. Next week: Hey! Xander's getting some action from Ashanti! And it's gonna get freaky! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
10:06 pm	Potential Synopsis: Buffy trains the potential slayers. Giles is in Shanghai. Comments: These Previouslies seem like they're taking an awfully long time. Which I guess makes sense, because things are pretty complicated. Hey, I just noticed that when Buffy frees Spike, she's got some sort of bandage on her facial cut. Has someone on the team finally learned first aid? Spike is attacking the baby slayers Rona: "I don't have Slayer strength, Slayer speed. It wasn't a fair fight." She's right, you know. Since when does Buffy get to talk about the value of training? Buffy: "You have inherent abilities that others do not have." It's a little late in the game to start pulling new crap out of the air, isn't it? That's nonsense they've invented on the spot just now. They've never bothered to even mention "potential slayers" except in a throwaway line of Kendra's, and now they've all got "inherent abilities"? Hey, remember when Buffy got to have weird prophetic dreams? In the pilot? Unless I'm thinking of the movie. I might be. Never mind. Spike was just hurting what's-her-name, wasn't he? So what's the deal with the chip, anyway? Is it there or not? Buffy gets everyone's attention by throwing an axe. To me, that comes off as fairly petty. If they all had watchers, shouldn't they have already been getting combat training? Buffy: "Good news? Means we probably don't have to worry about it puling Spike's strings for awhile." And she's basing that comclusion on what, exactly? She killed the vampire thing, so now she's confident that they've got a break? And isn't she supposed to be "Taking the fight to the first"? Buffy is talking like her death will cause one of the girls' Slayerness to activate. Now, I realize they've made passing references to Faith (like "I heard there was another slayer"), but I really hope something's going to be made of the fact that the characters constantly forget that Faith exists. Because otherwise, it looks like the writers have forgotten Faith exists. Buffy: "You're here because you are the chosen ones." What? The whole point of the phrase "the chosen one" is the part about there being one. If there's a basement-full of them, they're not that special. Boy, Buffy's totally Miss Authority Figure, isn't she? First she's lecturing the slayers-to-be, and now she's giving Guidance Counselor lectures. Willow: "Buffy, we just got news." Cut! Buffy: "And she's sure?" I hate that. If you have some plot-related information to relate to us, just tell us. Editing around the revelations doesn't make it more exciting. They sure know a lot about finding potential Slayers. I forget, have they ever mentioned how come Buffy didn't get picked up by a watcher when she was, you know, only an Embryonic Slayer? Hey, Andrew gets to be in the room with the decision-makers! It's Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Anya at the table (although Anya just gets to nod), and Andrew and Dawn standing in the background. That's something of a promotion for Andrew. I mean, it beats being tied to a chair. I guess. The two obvious guesses for who the mysterious unknown slayer is are Dawn and that guidance counselor girl. It would be pretty funny if it turned out to be Andrew. I mean, he's not all that butch, you know. Buffy: "Spike didn't have free will. You did." I disagree. Spike had free will, but he was fooled by visions that confused him. That also happened to Andrew, when he was seeing visions of Warren. Although I guess Andrew was an actual villain more recently than Spike. I don't like spells that rhyme. It's like she's praying to Earth Mother Goose. I guess Willow could be the potential. Or Anya. No, it's Dawn. Yeah, yeah, big surprise. It would have been more shocking if people hadn't already been assuming Dawn was a potential slayer since the concept first showed up. This is just going to make people more worried about the possibility of "Dawn the Vampire Slayer". Dawn: "Did you maybe say 'potential sailors,' 'cause I do like the water." Ha! Anya: "Wow, it's like one second you were this klutzy teenager with fake memories and a history of kleptomania, and suddenly you're a hero. A hero with a much-abbreviated lifespan." Heh. Good work, Anya. Thanks for summarizing it, because we might need that for next week's Previouslies. Assuming that when Buffy finds out, she doesn't say "Dawn's a potential slayer?!" Wouldn't the watcher's council have noticed Willow: "Remember that thing about they share the same blood or whatever?" Anya: "Yeah, I never got that." Heh. Dawn: "If I was ever the slayer, it would mean she died." Faith! Faith! Faith! Xander: "You're important now." Now? Now? That seems tactless. Anya: "Dawn's gonna be a slayer." Okay, maybe that's the quote that goes in the Previouslies. Anya: "That's because you're part of something larger. Like being swallowed. By something larger." There should be much more Anya on this show. Anya: "Dawn just might have bought herself an early death." Willow: "We don't know that!" Hence the "just might have" part. Dawn: "I'm chosen." From Sports Night: Will: "I've chosen you. You're chosen, dude." And Dawn sneaks out the window. Takes after her sister. Remember the days when Buffy entering a demon bar meant that everybody snuck out the back door? Hey, it's Clem! Good times. Clem's face would seem to do the same sort of thing that Beetlejuice's used to. You know, burst into CGI twirlers and stuff. Amanda: "Blah blah swing choir blah blah home sciences blah blah I bet you think I'm crazy." No, I think you're the First, luring Dawn into a trap. Dawn: "Amanda? It got out." Oh no! There's a vampire loose in Sunnydale! Oh, I guess she's not the First, since she helped Dawn climb through the window. Dawn should ask Xander where the secret passages are. I like Dawn using a fire extinguisher as a weapon, but I seem to remember that in the old high school, there was an actual Fire Axe on the wall. And again I say they should hide stakes everywhere. Xander should totally have built in lots of little easy-to-break-off spars of pointy wood. Dawn: "In here!" She's still pretty screechy. There's no way the vampire wouldn't have heard her. Again, Buffy's "We're an army" plan seems to boil down to her fighting a vampire one-on-one while everybody stands around and watches. Only this time she gives a speech at the same time. Buffy: "Every blow is part of your plan." And Dawn falls down. That was pretty funny. Oh, she just left the vamp in there with the slayers. Excellent. Ninjas! Excellent. That fireball should not only deal with the ninjas but also provide Xander with some contracty goodness. And it turns out that Amanda is the ninja-killing machine. Good for her. Although I have to say, I find her even more annoying than any of the previously-established potential slayers. Oh, except possibly for that accent. Ugh. Xander: "Seven years, Dawn. Working with the Slayer. Seeing my friends get more and more powerful." This is a really good speech. Poor Xander. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
9:35 pm	Showtime Summary: There are many, many potential slayers, one of which turns out to be the First Evil in disguise. Buffy kills that old vampire. Giles might still be dead. Spike gets rescued, and I expect him to be even less help than Andrews has been. Comments: Previously, Buffy droned on about some stuff. And Giles acted like he might or might not have been dead. I still don't find Buffy's "There's only one thing more powerful" line particularly inspiring. I guess I'm jaded. What? You mean the ninja monks didn't kill all the potential slayers? What the hell? So how many mroe are there? Is there a finite number or not? How did Buffy know she'd be coming there? Rona, was it?: "They told me I'd be safe here." Yeah, right here on the Hellmouth, where the First Evil is concentrating its attacks. Who told you? The watchers we saw blow up? Indigo? Okay, Willow says that Giles has the coven searching for new slayers. What coven, exactly? The people he was with at the beginning of the season? I don't care about the girl in Willow's bed. Is she Kennedy? I forgot since the last episode. I remember not caring much about her. How many of these potential slayers are they going to trot out? And why are they getting so much dialogue? Because, again, I don't care about them. I figure they'll either die or not, and anyway, the last thing this show needs is another million characters. Andrew's still tied to the chair? Can't Xander make a cage for him or something? Anya: "Either way we've got squat." Heh. Because, see, Giles is squatting right next to her. Zing! Ah, an oracle. Those always work out well. If Giles is, in fact, the First Evil, I guess getting Beljoxa's Eye (or whatever) might be its plan. Because otherwise.the vil plan is really needlessly complex. Buffy: "Spike's running out of time." So? How exactly is a delusional sliced-up vampire going to help? Demon: "I remember. You wore pink." Anya: "Those were entrails." Casablanca reference. I suppose the kids at Mutant Enemy think they're clever with their Sixth Sense-style "watch Giles like a hawk and see if he touches anything" idea, but it just means that anytime he's on screen, he's the only thing anyone's watching. Which you'd think would impair the dramatic effect of the scenes. Andrew: "Ow, watch it! That's my joystick hand!" Have the writers played any videogames in the last ten years? Go look at a Playstation 2 controller sometime; they're two-handed deals. Willow: "Bringers killed her Watcher before he could tell anyone he sent her." I hate to keep harping on this, but how come all the potential slayers have watchers when Buffy and Faith, the only two actual slayers, haven't had watchers in years? So, I guess, into each generation a slayer is born, along with fifty or sixty "potential slayers", some of them them with extremely unconvincing "southern" accents. That's more complicated than the original story. Xander: "Buffy. Kick the door down." Man, I wish I had someone around who'd kick doors down whenever I asked. Dawn: "Well, everyone should shut up." I'm with you, kid. Hey, that Eye thing was in Big Trouble in Little China. What it sees, Lo Pan knows! Giles: "Then what has caused the disruption; what, what is responsible for letting this happen?" Eye: "The Slayer." Dare I hope that it's talking about Faith? It would sort of make sense. Xander: "So Plan B, good right about now." How about coming up with a Plan A first? Buffy, Xander, and Willow have gone into the next room to have a nice quiet moment to remember when they were in charge of the show. Eve: "Take 'em all. Except for her." What? Her who? They're practically all female in there. I need an antecedent! Good thinking. Give Andrew holy water, on the theory that it's not a weapon he can use against the rest of the team. Kennedy: "Heard this voodoo once turned you into the Big Scary." Uh . . . huh. Look out! It's a short guy in a rubber mask and a ren-faire leather vest! That was their plan? Willow will slow it down for fifteen seconds and we'll run out the back? Buffy: "Willow, Xander, take everyone to a safe location." What? There are safe locations now? Well, why didn't they hole up there, then, instead of the Summers house? Xander took them to an empty construction site? That's not a safe location! Half the alien-monster movies ever made have big final battles at abandoned construction sites or factories. Take that, wheelbarrow! Willow: "Just watch. It's showtime." God forbid you tell anyone your plan. Yes! Gratuitous forward flip! That's old-school Buffy right there. Right out of the pilot in its dopiness. Buffy: "Welcome to Thunderdome." Andrew: "Two men enter, one man leaves." I love that movie. Hey, it's a well-lit fight scene. That never happens! Buffy: "Willow, can you hear me?" What? So Willow's got telepathy going all the time, just in case someone thinks something she needs to hear? Pole vaulting! Like in Gymkata! I hope Buffy dies here. It would serve her right for this plan: "I'll fight it all by myself with everyone watching. I'm sure it will be fine!" Remember that line about being an army? Forget it. Buffy doesn't want help. Buffy: "See? Dust. Just like the rest of 'em." Except the ones Buffy's slept with. I think Kennedy's got a crush on Buffy now, instead of on Willow. So, I guess, Buffy saved Spike. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
10:52 pm	Bring on the Night Synopsis: Giles shows up with some potential slayers and that's about it. That's the fourth episode in a row without much of a plot and I'm getting bored. Oh, and Spike gets taunted by Drusilla. Comments: Previously, some stuff happened. For some reason, I'm not terribly motivated tonight, so this may be a fairly lackluster outing. Xander: "Maybe we should board these things up until things get less Hellmouthy." Well, maybe you should consider putting in something besides those big sheets of plate glass. Shouldn't there be bars on those windows by now? Willow: "Oh! Here! The first! . . . Bank of Delaware, sorry." Yeah, whatever. So she read the first word on the website, got excited, and then read the rest? And is she doing occult research on Google? You'll certainly find some evil on the Internet, but I'm not sure it's the right kind. Hi, Dru! Is Anya teaching Dawn how to beat up boys tied to chairs? It's good to have a hobby, I guess. Dawn: "Nothing." I love that. When you just say "Nothing!" even though no one's asked you what you're doing. Andrew: "Evil names should be like Lex or Voldemort or --" Yes, yes. Very droll. Andrew: "It didn't work because there wasn't enough blood." So the problem was that Jonathan didn't have enough blood in him? Is that because he was short? Because that's a really obscure short joke. Oh good, cover up the evil symbol with six inches of dirt. I'm sure that'll work. Buffy was able to stare meaningfully at Wood's shovel and get him to explain himself even before he noticed that she also had a shovel. So she's got more of an air of authority than he does, I guess. Was that Xander that smashed the bowl of magic? Good thinking. It's Giles! And he's got a harem! Giles: "Potential slayers." Ah, is this where we finally get some explanation on the basic concepts of the series? No, I guess not. No information on how these "potential slayers" are identified. No suggestion that one could have been missed. Andrew: "And it cost them their lives!" The three potential slayers look over, wondering if, when they become slayers, they get to have a boy tied up in the room. Pre=Slayer B: "Yeah! With the hoodies and the alphabet eyes!" She's got almost the exact same accent as Drusilla, by which I mean that it is not at all convincing. Giles: "If the slayer line is eliminated, then the Hellmouth has no guardian." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I thought the slayer's job was to fight vampires. It's right there in the title of the show. The Hellmouth, as I always understood it, was a coincidental thing that Buffy just happened to move to. Like in The Wish, Buffy's off fighting demons in Pittsburgh (was it Pittsburgh?) and only comes to Sunnydale on business. So since when is it necessarily the slayer's job to be the Hellmouth's guardian? Giles: "I'm afraid it falls to you, Buffy. Sorry. We'll do what we can, but you're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls and the world against what's coming." Well, and Faith. Remember her? You just mentioned her a few minutes ago, and she's a fully armed and activated Vampire Slayer who probably has cool prison tattoos by now! That's right, shove Spike's head underwater. I'm sure that will really show him what's what. I wonder if he'll remember that he doesn't breathe. Buffy: "There was a hiddern cavern, just happened to be under a tree lot." Don't act surprised, Buffy. You live in Sunnydale; there are hidden caverns under everywhere. Okay, so Annabelle is the snotty rule-follower, Molly is the one with the Drusilla accent, and Kennedy is the one who just hit on Willow. While the girls break out the cookies, Anya is at the sink and appears to be talking in the background, and it bothers me that it's loud enough to be distracting, but not loud enough to be readily understood. It ends with "but that would be cheating; I'll just scrub away with this stupid ol' sponge." What was the point of that? Ooo . . . kay. So it can't be staked but it has a soft spot on top of its head? Buffy: "You mean 'not in front of the next generation'?" If they are the next generation ("the Vampire Slayer Squad") I hope Molly isn't their leader. Her accent annoys me. Giles: "How do you plan to research something as ill-defined as the First?" It really is ill-defined, isn't it? Buffy: "Displaying results 1-10 of 900,517." In case you're interested, Google actually returns "about 10,500,000" for "evil", which means that their wacky hyperbole is actually not as hyperbolic as reality. Too bad it would have been so much work for them to check Google themselves. Wood: "Manifestations of evil? . . . in the movies." Smooth! Wood: Blah blah blah. He's a lot like a principal, because I totally glazed over while he talked about unseeing things. Spike: "You're not Drusilla." No, but she's just as tiresome. Drusilla: "Bad daddy. Needs a caning." Oh my. Joyce: "The sun always comes down, the sun always comes up." That sounds like a clue to something, doesn't it? Finally Xander decides to put wood up over the windows. And I'm sure half-inch plywood will keep out monsters. Xander: "Of course you got a bad feeling, dude, you're tied to a chair." And he's been there for days, apparently. Annabelle ran away? She's -- let's see -- the snotty rule-follower. And she was reaching up to her necklace as she ran, so I think she was removing her cross before the vampire thing (which, BTW, the Tivo show description calls "the Ubervamp") got her. You know, that vampire's rubber mask is not so good that it can survive all these close-ups. Buffy's in a machine shop! If she were the A*Team, she'd be building a tank right now. Good thing Buffy got it to stop directly under that heavy object. She must have seen Predator. But if she did, how come she didn't learn that monsters are never dead the first time? Xander: "Oh god almighty." Is she dead again? Giles: "I'm afraid there may be internal bleeding." Willow: "What does that mean?" That means she's hurt, college girl. I told you guys to learn some basic medicine but did you listen? Nooooo! Oh, look. Buffy's acting comatose. How very two-seasons-ago. That's a clever joke, by the way. It doesn't look like it, but you have to remember that the phrase "that jacket is so five-minutes-ago" was (I'm pretty sure) from the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So it's a reference, you see. Buffy: "Blah blah blah" I'm not inspired. Even with the muted horns on the soundtrack. If you're going to fight it, go get on with it already. Was Andrew included in her "We're an army" statement? (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 28th, 2002
5:51 pm	Never Leave Me Didn't care for it. We've been in a holding pattern for several episodes, and it feels like nothing's really happened for a long time. Synopsis: Andrew screws up and gets grabbed by Willow; the ninja monks attack; and the Watchers Council loses a lot of its international offices that we've never heard of before. Comments: Xander: "I've got a house to put back together." Aww. Xander's got a defense mechanism! As long as he has carpentry, he can ignore what's going on. Warren: "You know the rules. I can't take corporeal form." That could be the truth, but Warren lies a lot. Oh, it's dead Jonathan. I guess that means the next time we see Giles, no one will be sure if he's real. Spike: "Make it tighter. the knots'll give." He should also be telling her how to do it. "Not like that; use this kind of knot." Principal Wood: "Okay, I was bluffing. I hadn't really thought that one through." Heh. Dawn: "Her exact words were 'I've got stuff coming out of both ends.'" Principal Wood: "Thank you. That's . . . very helpful." So the Watchers Council just hangs up? No "Would you like a new watcher"? No "How's the vampire slaying"? Not even a little "There's an apocalypse coming"? What's the point of having a Watchers Council on the show if you're not even going to bother giving it the slightest thought? It was only a couple of seasons ago when Buffy was able to terrify the Council by threatening to cut them out of her life, and now they're cheerfully just ignoring the Slayer? The whole thing is so stupid. Warren: "You're Conan. You're the destroyer." He pronounced "Conan" wrong. It was like he was talking about Conan O'Brien, not the Barbarian. Butcher: "This is a butcher shop, Neo." Heh. Because Andrew is dressed like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. That's a pretty funny butcher. Willow: "Then why do you need lots and lots of blood?" A fair question. Willow: "Stop talking! Don't interrupt me!" She's only marginally more convincing with the spooky talk. Now they've got two guys tied to chairs in the Summers house? Neat. They've sure got a lot of nylon rope in this house. Maybe Xander brought it. Xander: "He's primed. I'll be pumping him in no time." Oh, stop it. Spike: "Meaning I have come to redefine the words Pain and Suffering since I fell in love with you." Buffy: "How can you say that?" Well, mostly because he's a drama queen. Spike: "Souls not all about moonbeams and pennywhistles, love. It's about self-loathing." And brooding. Xander: "How's your face?" Andrew: "Okay." Well, it's killing me! Ha! Whoo! I love that one. There goes Andrew. No, wait, they managed to stop Spike. And Evil Spike looks disgusted. Hey, Xander's seen the Manchurian Candidate! Buffy: "I need to know exactly what were dealing with." Hey, whatever happened to "Who cares what it is; I want to punch things"? Basement. No Student Access. So why'd they put the door in the hallway like that? And not lock it? That's just asking for trouble. Buffy has a spot in her basement where she can chain people to the wall? Spike: "Buffy, you've never met the real me." Spike's a tortured post, I guess. Spike: "You need the pain we cause you." I think he's just trying to anger her into killing him. Buffy: "You don't know me. You don't even know you." She read that line wrong. She should have emphasized the last "you". Ninja attack! Principal Wood really shouldn't be burying Jonathan like that. Even if he's a good person, he ought to call the police or something. Maybe he wants to keep the sschool's reputation clean. Good job by Andrew, rolling out of the way of the monk with two knives. For a second, I thought he was just going to lie there helplessly. Ha! I enjoy Buffy using Andrew as a weapon. You use what you have. Buffy: "They were after Spike all along. That's why two of them went upstairs? Buffy: "I know what we're up against. The First." The first slayer? Weird. Lydia: "Sir. We are crippled." The Council sure had a lot of international offices. Oh, the first evil. That clears everything up. Evil Spike: "You're the one who had to make breakthroughs and learn something about himself." Heh. Is that the Master? Or is it a different Nosferatu-looking old vampire in a leather coat? (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 26th, 2002
9:42 pm	Never Leave Me -- Oops! Something went wrong with my Tivo, and it didn't start recording until eleven minutes in. Anybody (in Seattle) got a tape? (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
9:30 pm	Sleeper You know, I don't think the evil thing this season is just taking the shape of various people. I don't think it was pretending to be Warren, the Mayor, Cassie, and so on. I think it actually was those people. Remember how Adam talked like Adam? And how Warren got caught up in Star Wars quotes with Andrew? I think it's some kind of force made up of actual dead souls, that can only appear in visions right now. Following that logic, it's possible that Joyce from last episode was brought by the devouring-from-beneath thing, but chose not to act evilly. It's just a theory. Anyway, it did morph into Buffy, which I admit presents a problem. But Buffy's died twice, you know. And the second time, she came back "different" somehow. Synopsis: Buffy tries to find out if Spike really is doing what it sure looked like he was doing last week. Comments: Oh, so Xander was asleep during last week's episode. I guess he goes to sleep early. London. A guy in a suit in a room with a lot of books. I wonder if he's a watcher. If he's not, he's sure got a lot of weapons. Willow: "It's the big bad, Dawn. The one we knew was coming." Huh. You know, I think that's the first time one of the characters has used "big bad" the way that fans use it, to describe the monster-of-the-season. Up until now, "the big bad" has always been Spike's way of referring to himself to make himself sound like a tough guy. Xander: "Okay, let's look at this objectively. Figure it out in a cold, impersonal CSI-like manner." Heh. All of a sudden, Xander likes to figure things out logically? Buffy: "Holden. Holden Webster." I was kind of hoping for some kind of reaction from Xander there, but maybe Buffy mentioned his name during the commercial break. Anya: "Forget it, Harris!" Xander: "Come on, Anya, you said you'd do it on the phone." Heh. For a second, I was going to ask why Xander didn't call first. Anya: "Have you searched his room? For clues?" That's a good idea. She's much better at the CSI plan than Xander. Anya: "If I get vamped, I'm gonna bite your ass." Hey, wait a minute. That's suspiciously similar to Andrew's "It eats you starting with your bottom" line from last episode, and he was paraphrasing the "from beneath you it devours" catchphrase. Neat. Because Willow is convinced that Joyce wasn't, in fact, Joyce, I believe it probably was. Willow: "Maybe it was another one. A fake-out." I like that the characters are going through the same chain of guesses and logic that the viewers did after last episode. These are the sort of scenes I would have liked to have seen to explain the idea that the Slayer lineage now goes through Faith. It wouldn't take much, but it's another plot point that's never been addressed on the show. Yes, I know "Joss said in an interview" but that's not good enough. Is Anya stealing Spike's pocket change? At this point, I expect Spike to ask her to please be quiet, because he's trying to sleep. Anya: "Let's go. Let's get it on. You big, bad boy." Heh. She is successfully confusing him, I'll say that for her. Anya: "You think I'm fat. Either that or the haircut." Boy, she's really insecure about her hair, isn't she? No wonder she changes it all the time. Anya: "You were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul." Well, duh. Wow, it's the busiest intersection in all of Sunnydale. Where did all these people come from? It's like freakin' Mardi Gras all of a sudden. Clearly Not Really Buffy: "You know you want it. You know I want you to." So that's all it takes to manipulate Spike into biting people? Boy, they really should have wondered more about how Crazy Spike turned into Lucid Spike. Not Really Spike, Formerly Clearly Not Really Buffy: "How could you use a poor maiden so?" Hmm. Okay, so Not Really Buffy convinced Actual Spike to bite the girl, and then when Actual Spike ran away, Not Really Buffy turned into Not Really Spike and, did what? No idea. Spike: "You know I can't." Buffy: "Right. The chip." Spike: "No, not the chip." Good for him. I guess. Spike: "This chip, they did to me. I couldn't help it. But the soul I got on my own. For you." Interesting. He's delineating the important differences between the chip and a soul, and he sounds sincere. I wonder if he even remembers biting that girl. Spike: "God help me, Buffy, it's all about you." Heh. Of course it is! Buffy: "You looked like you were on the prowl." He always looks like that! Dawn: "We were all told things that weren't true." Willow: "Maybe." Heh. Look at them, actually thinking about the plot. Anya: "I used to tell the truth all the time when I was evil." Good call. Willow's looking up missing people. She should have been doing that years ago. Spike: "Ow!" So he can punch people, but he just has to say "ow"? Oh look, Aimee Mann. The blurb on Tivo for this episode said "The gang believes Spike is responsible for a rash of brutal attacks; Giles makes a cataclysmic discovery; Aimee Mann performs at the Bronze." So I expect this song to go a lot longer than strictly necessary to justify Mann's presence. Huh. Some people were theorizing that it couldn't have been Spike at the end of the last episode, that it must have been the morphing villain. Most of the people who said that were doing so because they couldn't face the thought of their little Spikey-Wikey doing that, but it's now looking like it was Spike, but wasn't a helpless victim. Interesting. Bar girl: "Not even if I ask nice?" Wow, she's friendly, isn't she? That never happens. Bar Girl Vampire's voice is dubbed. I can tell because she's got really protruding teeth, but none of that weird dental-appliance voice from the first few seasons. This fight completely fails to get my attention. That's partly because Spike is fighting either A) a vision, or B) a newborn vampire, and he's not in any danger from either. But it's mostly because they keep cutting away to Aimee Mann and her band. Hey, Spike staked her with bamboo. That's not really a tree, you know. I don't think it should have worked. Door guy: "Hey sweetheart. You wanna go in, go ahead." The Bronze has gotten a lot more popular since the first season. Two door guys, a big line, it's quite the hotspot. Aimee Mann: "Man, I hate playing vampire towns." What, like Los Angeles? Shut up, Aimee Mann. Evil Spike: "You're going against the plan. But we can make it work." Regular Spike: "Buh . . . huh? Wha?" Spike: "I think I buried them here." If so, he did a really good job of it. The floor's perfectly flat. Here come the corpses! Oh, they're vampires, I guess. And they all activated at once, conveniently enough. Oh, the guy in the red sweater grabbed the shovel Spike used. Good thinking, that man. Cue montage of Spike's evilness. Twice. I liked Buffy apologizing to the vampire who got stuck clawing its way out. Nothing personal! Well, Buffy? Kill him! He's a vampire and the soul and chip aren't keeping him from mayhem, are they? Buffy: "What are you talking about?" Oh, you're finally going to listen to crazy ol' Spike? Good thinking. Evil Spike looks pretty annoyed at Cringing Spike. Willow: "Something like what was talking to us?" Check Willow out, getting hip to the plot much earlier than normal. It's Giles! And he has the air of someone about to make a cataclysmic discovery! (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
9:11 pm	Conversations with Dead People Synopsis: In an hour in Springfield, a lot of plot gets advanced, but not much actually happens. Comments: The synopsis says "Buffy has a startling conversation with a vampire." Again? In the previouslies, Spike is the one that says "From beneath you, it devours." I imagine that near the end of the season, they'll have a Previously that's composed of nothing but various characters saying that line. November 12, 2002. 8:01 pm. Insert joke about how they're ripping off 24 here. There's Spike at the bar. Since it feels like this song might go on for awhile, here's my take on the whole Spike-Buffy relationship over the last few seasons. I don't think the show was trying to minimize Spike's eviless by having him fall in love with Buffy. The point was that he was a serial-killing monster, and he was in love with Buffy. Did love redeem him? Not yet, even though he's gone out and gotten himself a soul. But it seems to me like a mistake if you reduce the story to either "Spike loves Buffy, so it's Angel Part Two" or "Spike is irredeemably evil so he should die." That's the way I see it, anyway. When Spike started trying to woo Buffy, he did it as a vampire would. Yes, he did evil things. That's because he was evil. Jonathan: "Last time we were here, thirty-three point three bar percent of us were flayed alive." It's the "bar" that makes that line for me. Andrew: "Everyone spoke Mexico-an." Isn't Sunnydale in Southern California? Shouldn't Andrew have heard of Spanish? Andrew: "It eats you starting with your bottom." When they do the collage of "From beneath you, it devours", that'll be third or fourth from the last. A quick laugh, but they'll want to end on someone really spooky saying it. Dawn eats anchovies? I suppose someone has to. Dawn: "Taste my blade, spawn of evil!" Aww. Dawn's playing Buffy! And I wouldn't worry, if I were her, about the hole she shot in the wall. For how many supernatural brawls have taken place in there, the walls are probably 90% spackle. It's Cassie! Now that she's dead, she's a lot more perky. Willow: "Tara?" Aww. Dawn's hair has something new going on. It's not as straight as it used to be. And that's the end of how much I care about Dawn's hair. Oh no! Dawn's haunted by a ghost that wants a monster movie on television! Who gave Dawn the key to the weapon chest? She was just about to attack the microwave with an axe! That's not a good idea at all! Holden "Webs" Webster: "Crazy Jay? He always had that shtick of 'Oh, I'm crazy, I'm crazy!'" He'd make a great used car salesman! I'm kind of enjoying Webs the New Vampire. Buffy: "I'm the slayer." She thinks Webs's heard of the slayer? Does he look like he's gotten much training? Webs: "A lot of kids thought you were dating some really old guy." Heh. Buffy's cell phone is about twenty feet away from her, and it's night time. Why can't she hear it ringing? She should turn up the volume. Dawn's "Stop it!" went up to that dog-whistle pitch she used to save for telling people to get out. Jonathan: "Get up, you wuss." Poor Andrew. Now Jonathan's scoring off him. Jonathan: "We should get Buffy." Andrew: "No way." Good call, Andrew. You wouldn't get two words out before Buffy took you out. I enjoyed watching them check their communications, but they should have synchronized their watches. What fun is it doing a commando raid if you don't synchronize your watches? Warren's lying to Andrew even after death. Poor deluded Andrew. Spike hasn't said anything yet. It would be pretty funny if we just occasionally cut over to see him drinking. Buffy: "I think you're confusing me because you're evil." Heh. I accuse people of evilness all the time. "Thanks for not returning my e-mail, spawn of Satan!" Webs: "I just think you're in some pain here. Which I do kind of enjoy, because I'm evil now." Heh. Wait, that doesn't necessarily make him evil, does it? Webs: "Wouldn't it be cool if we became nemeses?" Buffy: "Is that how you say that word?" That feels like a call-back to a line from Season 1 or so. Is it? Webs: "I'm here to kill you, not to judge you." Webs's a really together guy. Good for him. He's dealing with the oddity of vampirism with admirable aplomb. Webs: "I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds, I'm just new to this whole mortal enemy thing." If Buffy had been thinking more clearly, she would have explained that slayer blood was poisonous to vampires. House: "Get out." Dawn: "No!" Hey, shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it, Dawn? I thought Xander would have put more effort into hiding the scary parts of the school. He could at least have paved the floors in the basement. Where the Hellmouth is. Webs: "Are you killing me because I'm evil or because you opened up?" Good one! Jerk. Buffy: "See, this is what I hate about you vampires. Sex, and death, and love, and pain, it's all the same damn thing to you." That's not just vampires, you know. Webs: "And if I'm right, I get to ask anything." Suddenly they're playing Truth or Dare? Hey, Spike seems to have met someone new. Or . . . has he? Cassie: "You can't use magic again, not ever." She's pretty bossy for a dead girl. Cassie: "You're not gonna be okay. You're gonna kill everybody." What, everyone on the planet? Yikes. Jonathan: "All the cruelty. All the humiliation. It all washes away." So I guess he doesn't remember the time he went up in the clocktower to kill himself? Buffy: "And the joke is, he loved me. I mean, in his own sick, soulless way. He really did care for me." Well, that's all I was trying to say. Buffy: "I wanted to be punished." I'm sure there are people that would be willing to help out with that. Webs's doing a good job of providing therapy. You know who should be doing that? The Watchers' Council. Where'd they get to? Slayer psychotherapy should be one of the first things they get to. Webs: "Did you say Spike?" Oh, so Spike's out recruiting an army of the undead. Or . . . is he? I guess he isn't. Because he wouldn't have had his new minion just crawl out of the grave to get killed, would he? What kind of army would that make? Dawn's got some Combat Magic going, doesn't she? Say what you will about her, that exorcism looked like it took a lot of effort. Cassie: "There is one thing . . . and you could see her!" Is Cassie recommending suicide? I'm not sure that's going to help. Willow: "Who are you?" Hey, good for her. Joyce: "When it's bad, Buffy won't choose you. She'll be against you." Good. Buffy shouldn't have chosen Dawn in The Gift, is what I say. Willow: "From beneath you it devours." Store that for the Previouslies. So, let's see. Willow's caught on to Dead Evil Cassie. Spike's out biting people even though he's got an anti-violence chip and a soul. Andrew killed Jonathan at the urging of Dead Evil Warren. Dawn's seen her Dead Glowing Mother. And Buffy killed Webs after all. Not really much of a resolution, but I'm interested to see what happens next. (5 Comments |Comment on this)